They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
