she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
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