I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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