just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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