Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
