Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
