I think I am morally bankrupt
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize