If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
