If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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