i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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