you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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