It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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