she was so not down for the gang bang
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We're too hungover to prance.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
