I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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