im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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