dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
do herpes really smell.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
