My liver just broke up with me...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
