so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
