I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
