I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wish you could order shots online.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
