We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
