I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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