Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
