So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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