Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
