I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
