awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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