I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
