You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
