I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
