david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
