I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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