Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
