I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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