she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
