I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
