My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
