Dual....:-)
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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