Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
