hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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