i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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