**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
