Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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