I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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