I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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