Your mouth is God's brothel.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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