If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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