the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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