Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
