what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
