Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize