i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
