Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
