nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
