I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
