You can't motorboat a personality
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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