Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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