I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
