The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
